Addiction Resources

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Mike Hupfer introduces Detox Sector. Detox Sector provides addiction resources for help overcoming addiction. When I was young, I started drinking to numb my emotions. I continued abusing alcohol for many years thereafter. 

With some help and hard work, I've been sober for 13 years. It’s painful to look back and critique the person I was back then. I don't like some parts of that person, and see many chapters of my past as insanity. 

From time to time, memories of my high-school days, come trickling back into my conscious mind. Truth be told, I learned more about getting high at lunch than much of anything else really. Of course, that is on me. For the life of me though, I can’t think of a single time, just once, where I used anything I learned in Geometry, or Algebra. I wish I would have learned more about social skills, and some basic finances information to apply to life after high-school.

My thoughts transition into a raging river, however, when I think about my college days. To follow in the footsteps of my Family Playbook, I went to school and it was years of learning random things. Truth be told, I can’t remember much of what I learned to this day. I wish I would have learned more about conflict resolution, and mechanisms of saving while working our whole dang life.

As far as attending college is concerned, I wish I could turn back the clock. I would have been far more selective in choosing my learning path, and better equipped to consider the cost versus the benefits. Like many people my age, I am saddled with education debt. Of course, that is on me, and a whole another story.

Today, it is far more likely that people in the workforce will change jobs, or occupations, much more frequently than the generations that came before. That is the case for me anyway. Most of have heard about, or are participating in, a work sponsored 401k. For us job changers, explore the IRA option too. A person can have both a 401k and an IRA. The IRA is your own thing; it follows you around, and not tied to any employer.

"You can't control the world around you but you can control how your interpret and take care of situations in your own life." Mike Hupfer 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a tool I have found to be extremely helpful. Aaron Beck, MD., facilitated its movement over half a century ago. CBT may sound complicated, and esoteric, but it’s really straightforward. In essence, we can help shape, and influence how we feel, and subsequently, how we act too.

The behavior chain, given as an example below, may help illuminate it a bit. The behavior chain is a very effective tool in CBT therapy that helps one to identify how thoughts influence one’s behaviors. Every life’s action, like a movie script, can be broken down into four basic components: (1) situation (2) thoughts (3) feelings (4) behavior.

CBT basic components: (1) situation (2) thoughts (3) feelings (4) behavior

The behavior chain starts with a (1) situation. It can be any situation. The next part of the behavior chain is the (2) thoughts section. Our initial thoughts tend to be negative.

When we are able to identify the initial negative thoughts, and replace them with more positive thoughts, our (3) feelings, and subsequent (4) behavior, are more likely to be grounded and centered. The key is to identify, and challenge the initial negative thoughts.

We can use behavior chains to review past situations, and to plan for upcoming situations (weddings, reunions, birthdays, etc.). To illustrate, we will use the example of driving in traffic, to get to work, when "somebody cuts us off and flips us the bird.”

CBT basic components:  (1) situation (2) thoughts (3) feelings (4) behavior

(1) Situation: Somebody cuts us off and flips us the bird.

(2) Thoughts: Initial negative: “Why that SOB” OR more positive: “Who cares.”

(3) Feelings: Thoughts create feelings pissed off/agitated (initial negative) OR less anxious (thinking something more positive).

(4) Behavior: Can Lead To snapping at co-workers (negative flow) OR be nicer to them (positive thought flow)

You can see how outside actions beyond our control can influence both our thinking and behavioral patterns. By understanding these concepts through CBT one can make better decisions that can have a better, more positive impact on both ourselves and others as well.

CBT Core Components

Sometimes, our thoughts are misshapen, and weighted toward the negative end of the teeter totter. By challenging the negative thoughts, we may be better able to feel, and act differently.

CBT Coping Skills

Another component of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is developing useful coping skills. Ideally through therapy, the professional will help an individual by teaching coping strategies. These coping strategies may be used to help deal with high-risk situations.

CBT Core Beliefs

People believe core beliefs very strongly, even “feel” it to be true. Yet, it might be mostly, or entirely untrue. These core beliefs can become automatic thoughts.  A person can use a variety of strategies to challenge the idea, so a person can view themselves in a more realistic way. 

All these core beliefs are really just thoughts and ideas.

1. It's just an idea and not necessarily the truth. 

2. It's an idea and can be challenged.

3. It's an idea that needs to be maintained through “select data.” 

4. It may have begun in childhood.

Recommended reading: “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” by David D. Burns. The book is about using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The book describes the practical use of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and is applicable to much of life.

Forgiving someone may be viewed as disentangling yourself from a strong emotional hold that binds you to them. By disentangling yourself, it can help set you free. 

Let me give you an example. I’m sure you have heard someone say something like this before, “I’ll never forgive them for what they did. Not in a million years.” 

Not forgiving this person doesn’t affect them in the least. 

Why would it?   

They didn’t care then.  

Why would they care now? 

By forgiving the person, you take back power by disentangling your emotions from them. It may feel counterintuitive but it works. If it helps, call it disentangling.   

To conclude this section, let’s talk about something that sounds easy to do: saying you're sorry. In practice, however, you may find it more difficult than you think.

As human beings, we are going to mess up all the time. That’s just part of the deal. This is particularly true with the people we are close to.   

For whatever reason, people don’t like to admit when they are wrong even if they are wrong. It probably has something to do with the ego as explained by psychoanalytic theories and other schools of thought.  

Just think back to the last time you messed up with your loved one. Was your first thought to say I’m sorry? It wasn’t my first thought either. 

I believe people want to justify why they do the things they do and then trap themselves by defending their justification. 

For all of our faults, human beings are forgiving creatures. When the person who wronged us apologizes and asks for forgiveness, we typically do. 

Recovery is a journey and each person’s path is unique. Healing and transformation is absolutely possible. Listed below are some suggested readings and strategies that people can use to help overcome addiction.

1. Seeking Help: People find success by reaching out to addiction specialists, therapists and counselors. These professionals may help provide guidance, coping strategies, treatment plans and emotional support.
2. Support Networks: Building a strong support system can be beneficial. Connecting with other people who have faced similar challenges can be empowering and help forge a sense of togetherness.
3. Education and Awareness: Understanding the nature of addiction is important. Education can help individuals make better informed decisions and apply what we learned to help motivate and move forward.
4. Self-Reflection: Acknowledging the problem and accepting responsibility are important steps. Examining the root cause of addiction and identifying the triggers is helpful.
5. Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Replacing destructive and harmful habits with healthier coping strategies and alternatives is important. This might involve engaging in creative pursuits or exploring other positive outlets.
6. Lifestyle Changes: Overcoming addiction requires significant lifestyle changes. Making changes in daily routines, social circles and environments is vital.

• Born To Win by Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward 
• Memoir of a Broken Child by Mike Hupfer 
• Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns 
• Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships by Eric Berne 
• Getting Sober: A Practical Guide to Making it through the first 30 Days by Kelly Madigan Erlandson 

• Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw 
• I’m Ok - You’re Ok by Thomas A. Harris 
• Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
• Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think by Dennis Greenberger
• Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse
• The Hero Within: Six Archetypes We Live By written by Carol Pearson